Compassion in schools great step to help kids

It was with great interest that I read about the Compassionate Schools Project to be launched this fall in three JCPS elementary schools. The family court judges witness firsthand the devastating impact that family trauma has on children. As parents leave my courtroom, I often wonder how their children get up and go to school and learn anything at all. How can you be receptive to learning in a classroom when you have been up all night, police on your doorstep, lights flashing in the driveway, and perhaps a parent taken into custody after a domestic assault? How do you calm yourself, concentrate, and study, when your parents drag you into the middle of their divorce as a pawn to punish or gain control (financially or emotionally) of one another?

How do you listen, learn and participate at school when your home is chaotic, the language is profane and insulting, and fisticuffs are the family sport? Can a child learn to not strike other children when she is beaten at home, often for no reason except that she is there? How can a child learn empathy and compassion, when he is seldom a recipient of affection or understanding?

I do not know the answer to the questions posed above, but greatly admire the willingness of our school system to take on the challenge of teaching children self-regulation, when many have no role models of self control at home, and resiliency, when these children have so many reasons to crumble in light of the substance abuse and mental health issues in their homes.

Jefferson Family Court Judges heard 4,231 family violence cases last year. In many of those cases, children were present. We heard 2,659 new cases alleging abuse and neglect of children in 2014. As of June 7, there were 970 local kids in foster care, separated from their biological families and removed from their homes. In 2014, we presided over 279 cases terminating the rights of biological parents. While many excellent services are provided to children, the stress of being adrift without a family must be close to unbearable.

New divorce and custody case filings in Jefferson County totaled 3,911 in 2014 with another 1,377 filed so far in 2015. Children suffer collateral damage in even the most amicable divorces as they are uprooted from their homes and schools, separated from a parent they love, shuttled from house to house in ever more complex parenting schedules and forced to form new bonds with step-parents and step-siblings, often in mind boggling time frames. Divorce may, especially in cases involving domestic violence and substance abuse, ultimately create a healthier, safer environment for children, however it is still a life-changing stressful event for a child.

Nationally and locally, more children are born in relationships where parents live together but do not marry. In 2014, family court heard 2,624 new cases to establish paternity, set child support and put in place parenting schedules. Few of the relationships we see on our paternity dockets are harmonious. Many of the parents on our paternity docket have multiple children with multiple partners creating a complex network of half and step-siblings. While some of these couples have committed relationships, our family courts are flooded with parents who barely know one another, have moved on to other relationships and are bitter, spiteful and vengeful. These families are often poor, despite the best efforts to collect and provide child support. Single moms and dads are often going it alone, shouldering enormous burdens to care for their children under very stressful economic and emotional circumstances.

As a former educator, I do worry about watered-down curriculums. However, as a family court judge, I see ravaged families struggling with soul-killing burdens every day and know that the children of these families need help wherever they can get it. Efforts by the local schools to address the emotional and mental health needs of children so that they are unstressed enough to learn in the classroom are admirable. Certainly, your family court judges in Jefferson County appreciate the steps that JCPS is taking to teach children to be resilient, to be compassionate and to learn to control their emotions as they navigate through the difficult waters of their childhood.

Paula F. Sherlock is chief judge of Jefferson County Family Court.