Indiana firefighter battles wife's addiction

Clarksville firefighter Mark Goodlett has plucked the vulnerable from wrecks and burning homes, even revived heroin addicts with a quick dose of the antidote.

But he couldn't save his wife from her drug addiction.

"They teach us to go in and fix and solve a problem when someone's in crisis," Goodlett said of his first-responder training. "I couldn't fix this."

Goodlett's wife, who asked not to be named, told a CJ reporter that she supported him publicly talking about how her addiction has affected him.

Before meeting her, the burly 48-year Army veteran with a baritone voice had given up on having a family. That changed quickly after meeting her, a single mother with the big blue eyes and a thick Southern accent. He mostly was impressed by her attentiveness to her five-year-old son.

However, he didn't realize heroin's grip had taken hold. She first began by abusing painkillers, initially prescribed following a car crash.

And after their wedding last year during a small church service, heroin continued pulling her from him - either during her search for drugs or during repeated rehab stints.

“You struggle with the anger, with letting go," he said. "Every family member or friend of an addict wants so desperately to see someone change, to fix them."

At work, Goodlett, a lieutenant with Clarksville Fire, began to see himself when responding to overdose calls. He was losing needed emotional distance, thinking: "I could be that family member watching their relative die."

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He had difficulty focusing on work duties, in a job where a lack of precision and focus can be deadly. At Fire Station 3, he is the highest-ranking firefighter. He now marvels that no one was hurt or killed on his watch.

He remembers sitting alone in a station hidden behind a fire truck sobbing.

"I was tired of suffering through this by myself," he said. "I didn’t want to deal with it anymore.”

On a work day in March, Goodlett said, he thought about ending his own life.

Then he flashed back to the suicide calls he responded to and the loved ones' anguish.

That night he sought out a Nar-Anon support group meeting for loved ones of drug addicts and found others who could relate. He said that, coupled with prayer, saved his life.

"This is a stigma that needs to be dealt with," Goodlett said. "I'm not the addict, but I'm suffering.

"I've learned I couldn't fix anyone but myself."

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Reporter Beth Warren can be reached at 502-582-7164 or at bwarren@courier-journal.com.